Sometimes I get scared.
Fear, in my humble opinion, might be the root of all that’s wrong with the world today. Well, fear and ignorance maybe. All the hate, envy, cruelty and injustice, that is presented to us – one screen at a time, starts with people being scared. Scared of losing or getting hurt. Of change maybe. We can conclude that fear was most likely invented by Satan himself!
Now, I know that I get scared. And way more often than most people. I am scared of birds, fire, clowns, death, the dark, fireworks, dentists, balloons and basically half of the fears one can think of.
But perhaps the most annoying (and saddest) fear of all is my ever present fear of being disliked. There’s nothing that has kept me up as many nights as my mind working overtime analysing people’s words or looks and speculating endlessly about what they could possibly think of me.
I simply hate being hated.
And frankly: This has caused me a lot of shit over the years. There’s simply no other way to put it. And I’ve really come to hate hating being hated. So when making my New Years Resolutions this December, I decided that this time I was going to do something about it. (And this time for real! I swear!)
Starting with expressing my opinions, irregardless of their (lack of) likability or agreeability. Online. Behind a screen. Fairly anonymous. (The bravery!)
But more importantly, I’m picking up everything that I loved doing once upon a time, before I got scared of sucking at it and failing horribly.
So here I am, in the middle of the night, writing a blog that few people will read, no one but me will care about, fearing failure.
However, for the sake of resolutions. For the pursuit of bravery. For the cowardly lion from the wizard of oz. For Piglet. For Neville. For Courage the cowardly dog. For Scooby. And Shaggy. For Chuckie Finster. For Flounder. For every single person on this odd but awesome planet. For Pam. For me.